Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
