I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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