I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
