And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
