I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
