You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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