I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
