i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
