Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the day after is always just damage control
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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