Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
