your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
