just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize