On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
