so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
