Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
