I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
