there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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