I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
