Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
