K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he thought i was a dude.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
