why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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