You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize