The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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