he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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