I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
