He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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