thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
