Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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