She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
