i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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