a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize