i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
