you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
