I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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