Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
