Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
