Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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