lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
