We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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