I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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