Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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