I'm drive I can fine osifer
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
