I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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