So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found the other keg... it's in the tree
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize