Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
