I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
