i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
