you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
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