I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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