Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
