I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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