So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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