I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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