Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
