Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
