She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just pee around me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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