i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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