Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
