Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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