Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
