I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize