You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
