So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
