I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
