The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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