why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize