I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
